Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize