Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Randomize
