We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
