They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
