Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
