well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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