so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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