those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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