Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize