my mouth tastes like poor choices
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
