this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
