Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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