Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
These tits shall not be calmed
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
