he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
