I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
