We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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