I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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