this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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