We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
