i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
