How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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