Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
