if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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