I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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