You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
