Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
