just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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