I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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