Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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