I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
