I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
