Already got asked if we're dating
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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