That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
