Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
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