Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
