My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Randomize
