So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
