So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
