There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
