I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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