No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
