Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
This is the high leading the old right now
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
