Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
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