Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
