your parents love me but you hate me
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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