One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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