There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Oh god it's open bar.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
