Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
