guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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