did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
never play flip cup with pint glasses
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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