its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I am available for nakedness
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
