They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
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