I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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