You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I wear drunk well.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
