I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
