so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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