i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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