I didn't shave. On purpose
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Mom said you looked used
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
