saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
