He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
