It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
My life is pants optional.
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