Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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