eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
