can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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