the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
My penis needs a shock collar
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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