I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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